Meanwhile, broader popular dating sites such as eHarmony also cater to those who are ready to find love again. We caught up with Abel Keogh, author of Dating a Widower , to seek advice for those returning to the dating world and to hear about his own personal experiences as a widow. What I was writing about apparently resonated with readers because I started getting emails from women who were searching for advice about the widowers they were dating.

I put my personal experience and recurring issues I saw in the emails into my first book, Dating a Widower. W hat is the hardest thing about dating again? When I first started dating I was looking for someone who was similar to my late wife both in looks and interests.

10 dating tips for widows and widowers

Once I did, the dates went better and it was easier to open my heart to those who were very different. A re there any differences between widowed men and women when looking to get back into dating?

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They view the loss of their spouse as a problem that needs to be fixed and see dating and relationships as the best way to mend their broken hearts. Most get their lives and hearts in order before testing the dating waters. They tend to experience similar issues and emotions and make the same mistakes.

Widows and Widowers; Dealing with Grief Together

I was widowed in my 20s and I see widowers in their 30s, 40s, 50s and older making the same mistakes I did. That is, we just start dating because we want companionship, not a relationship. H ow common is it to get feelings of guilt or second thoughts when going on a first date?

All this makes it harder for women to date, to let go of their labels, to not compare, etc. The comparing stirs up insecurities and compels them to rely on equally insecure friends to figure things out that they should be discussing with the men they are dating. If you are dating a widow, she is a woman.

The Globe and Mail

Next, resist the urge to play white knight or to allow yourself to be drawn into the role of grief counselor. Insist on communication and that relationship issues should be brought up with you before she rants to her sister, friends or semi-anonymous friends on the Internet.

Expect the same good behaviour from her you would have any other woman in a relationship. And if being a widow first is more important to her than building a new relationship with you — walk. Finally, expect to be loved for yourself and to be first in her life. If she did that for her late husband, she should do the same for you if she really loves you. It all comes down to two people willing to be real and lay their cards on the table in the present tense with an eye toward the future and it really is no more difficult than riding a bike.

I forgot to add one thing. The beauty about widowhood is that only one side of the story exists now. The other side is … well … on the other side.

Too soon? Why we harshly judge the widowed when they find new love - The Globe and Mail

Play the ball where it lies. If she is flaky now, she probably was with him. Maybe the dead guy was okay with it, found it endearing and cute or maybe he stuck it out for the kids. We can feel that we're truly ready to date, and then we're struck down by missing our beloved powerfully.

Dating While Widowed: Are Widows Different From Widowers Where New Love is Concerned?

And if you date a widow or widower, please don't worry that you're in competition with his or her perfect spouse. Don't expect us to take down all the photographs or hide the urn.

Though once you get to bedroom status, I think you're within your rights to ask that the wedding photo be turned away from the bed. You're not in competition with our memories. Understand that there will always be that layer of memories and love, and accept that part of us.

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It shows that we know how to love. Recently, I've had a few dates with a couple of different widowers. I loved the conversation, how easily we slipped in and out of past and present tense, how we acknowledged the fear and the reluctance to date again -- and how we realized that our growth depends on learning how to do that. What do you think?