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Being Japanese, or Chinese, or French, doesn't make a big difference. And fact are that dating is first and foremost the meeting of two creature with good communication or a common goal, in other word: So the problem of how hard it is to date is three folds: And then we can find most of the elements you've rightfully mentioned: It is not Japanese are shy, it is that acting bluntly will make them look like barbarians!

How deep such behavior is then interriorized depends on people… Sure it creates a barrier to those of more direct society.

Or at least, some of them… But isn't the same in any hyper urban societies? Japanese or not, in Japan or not. And overall, dating is like searching your lost home keys… They are always in the last place you searched, by definition!

You'll complain while searching, you don't care anymore once you found. You can of course say that it all comes down to personalities. But then the question will be this: Identical twins are known to develop different personalities depending on the environment they grow up in. They may share some common traits, their personalities won't be exactly the same.

Nurture does affect your personality. Also, different cultures have different sets of social rules.

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When you go to a grocery store in France, you are expected to say 'bonjour'. Failing to do this will be seen as rude and antisocial. In Japan, this is not necessary. There are numerous hidden rules like this in different cultures and not understanding them make it harder for you to deal with local people.

If you are from a culture similar to Japan, your dating life won't be that much different. However, if your cultural values are very different, you are likely to have a harder time. It is more realistic to say that it's your innate personality tendency AND culture that affect your dating life. It's neither 'completely nature' nor 'completely nurture'. Hi and thanks for your comment at the Japanese Rule of 7 Facebook page. You've got a great site here, and I think you and I are addressing many of the same issues related to living in Japan.

I look forward to reading more of your stuff. Feel free to drop me a comment on my site as well. There is such a thing as black Europeans yknow, Arab Europeans Germany has had a large Turkish population for decades asian Europeans etc. Europe doesnt have just one ethnic group. And besides small differences due to background they generally conform to the larger culture. Some Europeans don't consider whites, or Caucasians in America, as Europeans.

I assume it is the same for Africans and blacks, or African-Americans. This is because they don't normally use the terms blacks or whites to describe themselves but since we I am African-American btw uses these to describe ourselves, that's just what is used now. I must belong in Japan instead of a western country then. I want to meet a girl, get to know her, then ask her out. I'm not really into asking out random girls, seems creepy. Don't see the point in asking out someone I don't know much about. I disagree with how you portray and talk about western women.

I am a western woman and I strongly dislike that you seem to think you can just meet me and then ask me out. This is one of the creepiest things Japanese guys do. Just approach me and without knowing anything about me say they want to date me. And FYI dating in Japan is very difficult for western women, I am one and I talk with many many others and it is an often lamented fact. The how's and whys would take forever to explain but it is what it is. I stay here for my job which I love and my lifestyle but have totally written off ever dating a Japanese man after the nightmarish past six years!

Thank you for you feedback.

7 Reasons Why Japanese Girls DON’T like Foreign Guys

I have a question: Or maybe you don't like to be approached only by certain types of men? I think it's party selection bias. I know a lot of western women who don't have any difficulty dating in Japan. I interviewed a lot of them for my book, so I know their stories in detail. Maybe western women you know are more comfortable with hanging out with other western people, while the ones I know tend to socialise with more diverse people, including Japanese guys?

It's just my guess though. The biggest issue is probably the language barrier. Although I'd definitely have more luck at home, dating in Japan has been pretty easy for me. Shit right now I'm seeing four different women and the only real thing holding me back is time and money. My biggest piece of advice is learn the language and just start putting yourself out there. Just like everything in life those who put in the time in energy are those that come out ahead.

If you think that occasionally showing up at the local foreigner bar with your dorky white friends is enough to land you a girlfriend, you may be waiting a while. I think it is the same in any country. Yes i am sorry sometimes it happens. I apologize for this persons thinking they are childish and do not represent japanese. We love foreigner very much of any color please come. In reality Japanese girl are very obsessed with Americans. They forgot that they waging war with them long time ago.

SSundee advices unlimited content. Chat with Japanese Girls — Chat Girls. Your email address will not be published. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I realized that like in most countries, probably finding a decent Japanese woman is hard. Someone who is not only cute, but honest and interesting and looking for companionship is especially hard to find in Japan.

While it may be nice to get some girls at the bar, I think western men must find it hard to find a Japanese woman that they would actually want to have a long-term relationship with unless all they cared about was having a chick that looks hot. As for us women: It sucks that we have to put in way more effort than we should to get a man.

In the USA, I walk into a bar and usually by the end of the night I guarantee a few guys will approach me. In Japan, this hardly ever happens. But who knows, maybe all that hard work and effort into getting a man helps us get a higher quality partner in the long run.

But to be honest, I thought a majority of Japanese men were quite strange so I eventually gave up on trying to find a Japanese boyfriend. And I have to disagree with foreign women speaking better Japanese than men.

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I also want to say that I love the photos on your website! Keep up the good work: Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us!

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While reading I felt like standing up and screaming: Being so fake, putting tons of make-up in their faces and speaking like cute little anime characters is certainly not something most sane guys are looking for. B-b-b-but men should approach me! Japanese girls are so boring and uninteresting! Cry me a river sweet-heart. I thought I had it easy in America, but when I went to Japan just for a week it was like playing life on beginner mode.

I consider myself a reasonably attractive guy fit, confident, etc. Women approach me in bars, come up to me to dance at clubs, and I do well for myself on Okcupid and Tinder. But nothing prepared me for how overtly forward Japanese women can be with their attraction.

Being groped at clubs, girls giggling around me, and being eye fucked like no tomorrow on the train. I actually met a beautiful Japanese girl in Shibuya. We spent most of the week together before I left. She has already spent some time with me in America. But what she lacks in that department, she makes up for being a surprisingly kind and gentle person. She absolutely loves animals and she is an extremely affectionate person. One aspect of this article that has been counterintuitive to my experience dating a Japanese girl is the concept of an allowance.

When I was in Japan, this girl paid for all my meals, despite offering to pay for the meal, or at least my own.

Is Dating Hard in Japan? – Myths and Reality - That Japanese Man Yuta

She never tries to tell me how to spend my money and when she came to America to visit she literally gave me all her money to hold on to for her. She always tries to carry my belongings. If I have a bag with me, she absolutely has to carry it for me and refuses to listen to my objections. She always tries to clean my room and I have to tell her not to. I actually have some Japanese friends through work that grew up in Japan. I can understand the appeal Japan has for foreign men. The women in Japan are incredibly thin and take awesome care of themselves.

Well, it pays off. According to my Japanese friends in America, there is virtually no hook-up culture in Japan.