If I'm not on call, I could be done as early as 3pm, but on bad days where problems come up I might end up there for a few more hours. As a result, it's usually easiest for me to plan things on my days off usually 1 day a week when I know I'm not going to have to be anywhere, rather than risk flaking on something I planned on during the week because I ended up having to stay a few more hours. Maybe he isn't that into you, maybe he's the kind of person that is fine with going a few days without saying anything My partner and I are both resident interns, and have never felt the need to communicate all the time.

Every couple has different expectations for communication, just important to make them clear. No one here can really say, it would just be blind speculation.

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He might be extremely busy or moderately busy depending on his program, what service he is on, who he is rotating with right now, and any other number of factors. I would ask him. I feel like the residents I've worked with are just trying to survive at any given point of the day, and, when off are trying to prepare for the next.

In my previous relationships, I'm much more present in person- I never look at my phone and just focus on catching up. When things get busy I often see texts that are non-urgent and can't think of what to say to them unless it's a half-hearted response. I think it may be in some ways easier when you live with your partner because the hours of free time you have on weekdays you can relax and talk with them. This rings very true, because when he does have time for a texting conversation, I know I have his full attention.

And even more so in person. I would definitely rather have this than someone who half asses conversation and sees me as another obligation! I guess what I meant by half-assing is that I do want to spend time with my SO, but would feel guilty if I didn't make them feel special, were being given my full attention etc. I wouldn't consider it a real date if I just ordered take-out and sat on the couch and watched TV, but kinda realizing now that some people are ok with that. Or if I were half-asleep and wasn't really able to be fully present.

I think in this case, he probably doesn't see you as much as an obligation. He probably would feel guilty if you went on a lame date or did something that obviously was centered around his convenience. Or maybe I'm just projecting haha.

What to expect when dating a resident?

And I really do appreciate the effort he puts in. Not a compromise inasmuch as it is a different way of doing things. So although I'm married to a resident and am myself seeking to apply into an IM residency this year. I can share some perspective on how my relationship evolved during my spouses residency and how we learned to grow with it. You mentioned that your relationship started around his second year which means that the worst part of his residency intern year is over.

Want to add to the discussion?

For the second year it's really dependant on the person himself how he or she handles that. Some become ultra competitive to get into a good fellowship program and actually become more busy over time with case reports , audits to boost their CV. Some still have trouble finding their feet and adjusting to a more senior position and possibly carrying over the residual stress from their intern year onto the next which is fairly common in many Northeast residency programs. And thankfully there's some like myself who found ways to make each and every free time , golden weekend.

Or a holiday to be an opportunity to take a road trip , book a holiday ,. Go out shopping or to the movies and anything at all that gives the relationship a nice little boost and makes our time all the more precious. For that the resident needs to be able to compartmentalise and have found some stable footing and comfort level with the program.

We were able to maintain a pretty steady gym routine even during her ICU rotations which have the worst hours 36 hour calls every 4th day. Texting however is tricky when my spouse is at work.

I don't feel comfortable knowing that there's probably someone coding or a distressed family is being delivered some troubling news while my spouse's phone is ringing off due to me so I've learned to avoid doing that and wait for her to text first. Less thinking involved less of an effort. This is a loaded question. As you know he is very busy. If he does contact you again give him three different dates you are free and ask him to pick one in the next couple of days so you can make plans on the ones he does not pick for other things.

Make allowances and he will appreciate it I am sure. I am not saying be a doormat…but totally understand he is busy. So it triggers insecurities. Unless you are a very secure person who can understand you will not be the first priority, this may not be the man for you—. Have you even been so busy that you barely had time to eat? And not to sit down and eat in comfort but grab something on the go? At the same time when a man is interested he finds time. At the beginning especially. Which can then change radically, once he thinks he got you. So be careful and decide if this is what you want.

Even if he starts showing you interest. Your not confident r independent enough to date a resident. They are literally living in the hospital with very little down time, usually is enough to eat, shower and sleep before thy hav to do another 24 to 48 hour shift. Thank you for the advice!

A spark in a CT room

Ali go right to my point:. What threw me off was that he texted quite a lot at first, but not this week. I highly suggest you stop fixating on him and continue to live your life the same way you did before you met him and date other men instead of driving yourself crazy. What I mean by make allowances is to understand he does not have a regular job…his time is not free since he gives much of his life to his patients. And women who marry doctors have to make allowances for the fact their spouse may not be with them for parties, holidays, etc.

Dating in residency: Looking for 'the one' while training - The DO

Much of their time is spent alone and they do a lot of the child rearing. This is not for everyone, for sure. If you get with an engineer they mostly have a day job…if you get with a doctor they have crazy hours and are on call. A woman has to know this upfront and deal. Now, if he has gone radio silent that would not be acceptable either…he could text or call you more often.

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Your just living your life, meeting and dating men without any goal or objective until enough time has passed getting to know him well enough to even consider him as a good candidate. All my long-term relationships were when I had zero romantic feelings for them but over-time several months they grew on me and decided to give him a shot became a couple. But I think I would have gotten one text by now?

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Thank you for lettomg me know that you read this… it makes ME feel a lot less alone, too. I am currently dating a resident as well. We live an hour and half away and it wasnt as easy to see him. With him being at hospital, he teaches as well so time is really very challenging. But I do my best to understand everything. He text few times a day and call once a day that makes me happy.

I just need more understanding to keep up with all these challenge. That distance is definitely tough! Surgeon used to live 45 mins away, an hour if traffic was bad… it was really hard, but we mitually were okay with spending the weekend at each others place.

That made dinners, movies, and just hanging out a lot easier. What would you like more of, though? Is it quality time, or something else? I think it helps pinpointing what you need we ALL need things and then relaying it to your partner. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Twitter account.