Your boy either doesn't know what he wants, or he does know what he wants, but he's scared because it's different. Or he's just a dick. Thanks for the insight! I don't think it's platonic that's for sure, whatever he's feeling. You guys don't flirt with a girl unless you're a t least someone interest right? Even if we are interested, we often don't flirt with a girl unless we're actually in a relationship with her.

Definitely some mixed signals I'd say your feelings there are valid. It sounds like he might just be okay with how things are. If you need a clear and defined label then I'd let him know that.

ISFJ Weaknesses

I never take it personally, and in most cases worry instead that the person laying all out did so out of frustration or anger with me. I'd recommend doing that, laying out your position and asking for his. No expectations, just clarity. As an ISTJ, what if I just texted him I know you don't like verbal confrontation at all for feelings to come get a drink with me cause I find you wildly attractive and interesting. Is that too forward? Maybe not too forward, but the context is still ambiguous. Clarify his position and let him know where you're coming from.

See where that goes. How positive are you that he is an ISTJ?

We can be kind of odd and uncomfortable with really emotional and personal stuff, but the multiple self-contradictions you describe him engaging in are kind of odd. I am not quite sure what you mean when you say you were dating, but then broke up because you were pushing him to be your boyfriend too soon? I am not the most familiar with the stages of a relationship though, so Anyhow, the reads of this situation assuming he is ISTJ that make the most sense to me would be It takes me a long time to warm up to flirting, and there are necessary conditions that have to be in place -- things that assure me they would not be investing in me exclusively, or that they have no reason to expect a long-term relationship with me e.

I wouldn't want to lead someone on by returning flirting if they could reasonably expect us to get together. I guess at this point, I feel mixed feelings. On the one hand, I almost want to say that you should be direct and ask him, "What the hell, dude? Were you testing him, or was it just a natural development in the moment?

What does it look like when he shoots you down when you try to solidify plans for the activities he suggested for you to do together? Like you say, "Sure! I don't know about other ISTJs here, but I am usually extremely hesitant to invite people to anything -- I typically engage in a lot of activities alone, and am perfectly happy doing so, so already the multiple invitations seems weird, too, let alone changing his mind on them, as if he's just impulsively doing one thing and then another.

Unless "shoots me down" means being ambivalent and unsure or flaky about actually solidifying plans?

Also, what would it be like if you got into a relationship and then broke up 6 months later? Do you picture it being a relationship that would really hurt to lose, or could you see it being a casual thing that you could mourn pretty quickly and then move on from?

If the latter, it might help him to know that. Some of what you describe makes him sound like his actions are kind of poorly thought-out, and loosely engaged in, in a way that I could imagine if someone had Ti-Se -- that more Se-based orientation to your immediate activities and interactions, and a sensing-type groundedness, but still with a clear thinking preference over feeling preference. But from everything I know and have read here on ISTJs and being one, if personal emotions are involved, we become times more careful -- we become even less impulsive, and the flexibility required to negotiate the relationship has us anxious, second-guessing, and more serious overall.

For myself to be as casual and loose with someone as it sounds like he is being with you, I'd I don't even know. Hey, thanks for the insight, it gave me some things to think about. Perhaps that's why we keep doing this dance, he's annoyed that something isn't so cut and dry or crystal clear.

This type may enjoy participating in similar activities and often find themselves in the same group of friends. However, the closer these two get the more they realize that they have less in common than they may have initially expected.

1. The ENFP’s Guide To Dating Guardians | Thought Catalog!
2. [ISFJ] ISFJ ISTJ relationships!
3. dating again as a single parent;

Both partners are extroverted people-people who enjoy being surrounded by loved ones. Two healthy partners of these types can bond over their love of bringing others together. While these types may not outright dislike each other, they are not necessarily well suited for a long-term partnership. They are likely to struggle to achieve a meaningful emotional connection — something that is highly important to both parties.

While these parties share all the same functions, they prioritize the use of these functions in very different order, leaving room for many potential clashes. On the positive side of things, both parties are ambitious, goal-oriented and personable. Both partners are extroverted in nature and enjoy reaching decisions through talking them through aloud. They can bond over their goal-oriented nature and will often find that putting their heads together allows them to find the best possible solution to a given situation. These differences in attitude are likely to frustrate both parties.

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This is still something we definitely struggle with. I also have a high T preference, so at the start we were both a little emotionally constipated, but him more so than me. I often express how I feel verbally, whereas that's much harder for him. Another problem we've had is that when he does something that bothers or hurts me, I push back my feelings because I either don't want to hurt his feelings or I don't feel like what I have to say is important, and so I don't say anything until it gets to be a HUGE problem.

Hot and Cold ISTJ/ISFJ Relationship : ISTJ

I think this is because of my high T preference - I'm embarrassed when I get openly emotional, which is my natural response - so I try to control this response, usually unsuccessfully. When I reach that point, I go crazy and have ugly emotional outbursts. He's always told me to share things with him as soon as they bother me to avoid this problem. This is still the hardest thing for me. I've sometimes also felt like my boyfriend wasn't there for me during times I really needed him. I had some health problems earlier in our relationship and I had to be rushed into surgery.

I woke up feeling fine, noticed something funny, went to one doctor who told me "You'll need surgery today. He drove me to the place for my appointment before the operation, stayed with me for a bit, then left me alone because he had a prior engagement. I felt so abandoned and scared that it took me forever to forgive him and trust him again.

But I never explicitly asked him to stay. I just expected him to know If I had asked, he would have stayed.

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Whenever my boyfriend and I openly communicate about what we want or what we're feeling, things always turn out the best. When communicating, try to figure out where you draw your lines. What will you accept, what will you not accept? What are deal breakers? How far are you willing to compromise? Originally Posted by nereid