It needs to be rigid enough to act as an added deterrent to not gamble but it has to be flexible enough that if i did i wouldn't fear being honest about it. I will give this some real thought and come back with some ideas, again i'd appreciate on your thoughts about how to manage a slip up both emotionally and in terms of practicalities.

Thanks again and despite any negative sounding sentiments i've managed another weekend without and i have no reason to think that it will change After re-reading your initial post again, I realise that I have treated your situation as though you had been with this lady during your gambling days. So, upon reflection I think I went too hard on the trust issue.

I now think that as long as you don't have any major slip-ups that the trust issue will be a minor issue for you. As you said, you have been totally honest with her, so I wish you a very happy future together. It's excellent your taking the issue seriously I have wrote posts on the mess up scenarios if you look at my archives Honesty is best policy The only thought I am having here is how on earth you get across the potential seriousness of the situation.

I think if I loved someone, who had always been honest and loving towards me, hadnt hurt me beyond the usual things like when mr p said how much he hated our old curtains, which he didnt know my late mum had made for me , you know, someone has been lovely and I love him It's not that i wouldnt believe he's a CG, I'd just think it was in the past and put my blinkers on and trot into the future. That's what love does to us. You are going to have to hold your own reins here or get someone else on side who will help you, a GA friend maybe, a mentor perhaps?

Someone who actually will question promptly when you ring alarm bells. This raises so many questions, but overwhelmingly the answers point towards the positive benefits of being in a loving relationship and I am very happy for you, it really does make me happy to read of a CGs life being happy, it gives me confidece in my own. Well i have directed her to this post and she has read it and we will talk about it in time, there is nothing pressing to have that discussion today and it just comforts me that this is here.

I would agree that numbers and amounts relating to gambling will certainly drive home the severity of the addiction. So with that in mind and with a healthy dose of shame Having said this and in the mood of confessing, i still haven't permanently self excluded from this account and i don't know why.

Staying with betting-obsessed guy is a gamble | Ellie

I think its a mixture of anger that i was able to gamble on that level on an account that i'd previously self excluded from and wanting some form of revenge to the thought process that one day maybe my attitude to gambling will have changed substantially enough to be able to use it for entertainment purposes. Thinking that sentiment through though, the best way to get revenge is to stop any potential to give them my money and if i do ever recover in a way which permits recreational gaming then i'm sure there will be other outlets for this by then.

These were the only remaining sites which i consciously know i have an account with which i hadn't already self-excluded from. There may be others but i don't know where they are - Update I forgot Leo Vegas which i've also just permanently self-excluded from The only other thing on my radar which i'm not yet ready to close down is an offer from a las vegas casino host for accomodation, food and beverage and a substantial amount of freeplay.

The plus side of this is that it's not a decision i can make on a whim really. So yeah, thats absolutely everything all out in the open Thanks again for your words Pangolin, Wayne and Wal, i don't know what is ahead but if i approach it with honesty and openness then i've given myself every chance to succeed and your words have certainly helped me in that. I think there are strong benefits from feeling the love but i have to be clear that i'm doing this for myself first and foremost.

I know that if i fix me then i'm more likely to continue being able to feel the love in future. You have got that in a nutshell. A lot of recovering gamblers find it hard to understand why you, the gambler should come first, so I am pleased that you have got that message so quickly. I have bad experience with blockers and blocking software because they are usually quite expensive, there's normally a way to get round them if you really wanted to and with the sheer number of devices and different avenues to gamble i don't really see a purpose in them especially if i've now canned all of the accounts and specifically the one account which held such a power over me.

As i said i don't have all the answers and i don't have everything fully resolved in my mind, the offer from a casino host comes in quarterly without any activity from me. I can admit that i'm currently not ready to proactively exclude myself from that. Are you willing to wait for him? Its sad what has happened your boyfriend but the other posters on here are right in that you need to look after yourself.

Certainly protect any finances you have. You are obviously intelligent given you have got a Masters Degree, you say there are few jobs in your country, maybe you could move to a country where there are lots of jobs. Thank you so much for your replies.

I don't feel very comfortable saying what country I live in, but it's in Europe hence the "euros". I forgot to mention, but I've already let him borrow, on two different occasions, 20 euros. He hasn't given them back to me yet, but I'm sure he will.

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However, I felt really bad for even lending him that money, but when he asked for it he kept telling me to trust him and that he only needed it to make an urgent bet that he believed he could win and would put him in a better financial situation. I know that it must be some kind of gambler's manipulation, but I find it so hard so say no when he treats me like I'm a ghost basically all the time, doesn't give me affection or talk nicely to me, but then when he needed that, he asked me and talked to me like I was so important and respectfully.

There's a side of me who falls for it because I'm still holding on to the person that he was, but there's another side of me that's trying to remain sane and conscious and not fall for that BS. It's so tough to deal with everything. I honestly never thought in a million years that I would have to be dealing with this and that the sweet, romantic guy that I met 6 years ago would turn into this, and it's depressing to see my life go down the drain, I've sacrificed so much to be with him, I could've already left the country and immigrated to another one with better work opportunities for me, but I've stayed for him, and this is what I get in return.

I don't consider myself ugly and my personality isn't all that bad either, I know if I wanted to there are other guys out there that would value me, but it's difficult to even think about leaving him at this point, because I still have so many feelings for him I considered him my best friend and I think that if I leave him, it will only make it worse for him and he will end up hurting himself and come to a point where he wants to end his life.

He's already become depressed in the past when he stopped poker gambling and he expressed thoughts of suicide, even I have already become severely depressed last year because of his gambling and behavior he knows it , but he's still too proud to actually seek for professional help and I know in my heart that he never will because he is too proud and deep down he also thinks that therapy is for losers and mentally ill people and he doesn't consider himself an addict, although he has been wasting his entire days with it.

Although he hasn't come over often during the week we like 6km from each other so distance is not an excuse , there is not ONE SINGLE DAY where I don't find out that he is going to the bank to make another deposit on the gambling online account.

5 Things To Know Before Dating An Addict

I've already threated him to tell his parents, but he told me that if I do that, he will end the relationship with me. It also doesn't help that he follows on Facebook a bunch of pages and groups about betting, gambling and with betting tips. So even when he has stopped poker in the past, I believe that the fact that he sees other people gambling online and posting sports scores and bets, tempts him to keep on doing it.

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I live in a remote area of the country and gambling problems are basically a taboo, no one talks about it, there's no awareness whatsoever about it. Thank you so much for your reply. It's a little bit reassuring to read about your experience and know that you've overcome it. It gives me a little bit of hope that it's actually possible to stop. The thing is, I've already threatened to leave him and end the relationship, but he takes it lightly and even replies with "maybe it's for the best and since you say I'm only hurting you, yeah, go ahead and find someone else".

So throwing an ultimatum at him is probably not going to work, especially since we are not married, we don't have kids, and the only thing that "attaches us" is the fact that I've always been comprehensive and supported him in his studies and careers, and deep down I think he knows that he will never find someone as tolerant like me. I honestly don't know if he loves me anymore, I honestly don't know if he even remembers what the hell is love and serenity. It seems like he only loves his damn cellphone and gambling apps, groups and pages. Hi amp wire unfortunately when they are actively gambling that is all that's on their minds.

It's like a drug. Don't put your life on hold for him. This will get a lot worse if he doesn't see the problem. The self pity and manipulation can be pretty epic. You're not responsible for his happiness. You're not responsible for his actions. Don't fall for being manipulated. It's worth turning this around and asking yourself what's in this relationship for you and why you're letting him treat you this way.

I agree with not putting your life and ambitions on hold for him. They can justify anything and everything when it comes to protecting the addiction.

Thanks Betch

Not wanting expert help and claiming he's not as bad as that gambler over there therefore he's not an addict is classic denial. No-one can help him until he wants to be helped. Im not sure my partner thought I did not love her even though I was treating her and the kids like dirt, but she knew something was not right.

But she was not willing to indulge my addiction, it was gambling or her end of story. If I am honest I was so in the grip of it I would have left and continued on if I had the means to do so. Is an apology in order? Once the air is clear, look to those qualities you acknowledge as your weaker ones, and work to improve them.

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Rudeness can easily be checked; consideration for others will take you much further in all your relationships. Shallowness and unsociability fade in the light of learning about the world around you. So read newspapers, initiate conversations, and volunteer in one of the countless areas that can use your help. I have this guy that I like, and I don't know if he likes me back. Should I get his attention in some way? We are already, like best friends, and I feel connected.