Eventually the couple gets so serious and committed to one another they get engaged and then married. Usually this whole dating process takes between 1 and 3 years on average for Christians. Christian courting has a lot more rules, structure, and expectations compared to Christian dating.

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In Christian courting this mentality would not happen. Christian courting is only for those Christians mature enough to be married. You would not court in high school, for example, because you would not get married in high school. When you court you are saying you are ready for marriage.

Not only are you ready for marriage in general but you are also saying you believe you would like to be married to the person you are courting and will go through this intense season to see if marriage should occur. Christian courting emphasizes a pre-courting phase that values friendship and group activities before any type of romantic interest is expressed. Those who promote courting state that you can get to know someone better without getting romantically involved. Before committing to courtship, you should observe this person closely and build a relationship with this person in the safety of a Christian community and in group settings only.

Once a guy and girl would like to take the next step in their relationship, it is expected that the man should do all the relational heavy lifting. Before even talking to the girl about his feelings or asking her out, he should first talk with her dad or any other male Christian leaders in her life.

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Once he gets their permission, he would then approach the girl and explain his intentions to court her with the purpose of seeing if marriage is right for them. Courting is a relationship that is very front loaded.

• What is courting vs dating?!
• Courting vs Dating (Top 4 differences between courtship and dating).
• Courting vs Dating (Top 4 Differences Between Courtship and Dating).

In dating the commitment starts low and then builds. In courting marriage is discussed on day one and the two are both fully aware that they are courting with the specific intentions of seeing if marriage is appropriate for them. During the friendship phase is when you should have decided if this person is the type of person you would like to marry.

You should already know enough about this person to determine if they meet the requirements on paper to be your spouse. The big questions about spiritual compatibility, life direction, and compatible lifestyles should already be known. The courting season is really about seeing if the two of you fit relationally and want to be married.

During the season of courting there is a high emphasis on accountability, transparency, and guarding your heart. Alone time is frowned upon and mentoring with an older married couple is ideal. Because of the extended friendship phase and all the time and preparation that went into the relationship before the courting even started, courting is usually much shorter than dating and usually lasts between 6 months and 1 year before engagement occurs.

The reason I Kissed Dating Goodbye exploded on the Christian scene is because there was a huge problem in the dating style of Christians at that time. In general people were dating just like the world dates. Some of the common problems that occur in Christian dating is that people do not guard their hearts enough.

Since there is more freedom to date who you want without testing that person more in friendship, there is also a higher risk of having lots of bad dating experiences. Lastly, since accountability and Christian community is not as emphasized in dating, the likelihood of sexual promiscuity is often greater than in courting. Those who date, however, are usually very comfortable around the opposite sex and have healthier, more realistic views on relationships and the opposite sex. The relationship experiences they have in dating prepare them and give them relationship skills that will benefit them later when they do meet their future spouse.

Courting, however, is a lot more rigid and has many more safety checks in place. This can often benefit the couple once the courting starts, however, those who religiously follow the courting model are notoriously single for much longer because their standards and expectations are often much higher than those who practice Christian dating. Christian courting does promote purity in general more than dating but it also hinders healthy relationship experiences.

Social skills needed for a successful relationship one day are not developed as early and there will be lots of false ideas shattered once a courting relationship actually begins. So what is the best approach for Christian singles? Is dating or courting better? The answer to that question is completely personal. Do you depend on Him to meet your needs of love and security? You can resist temptation if you put on the whole armor of God Eph. In fact, usually the opposite is true. It feels incredibly good to give in to passion.

But, the authority of Christ needs to take precedence over your physical drives. Society tells you to give in to the moment. Christ tells you to be obedient to His word.

10 “Red-Flag People” Christians Shouldn’t Date - Explore the Bible

Physical touch should be in the context of a meaningful relationship, not reduced to satisfaction of personal need. Both partners should take responsibility for setting limits. Mutual boundary keeping reflects maturity. What is your motivation -- power and control, gratifying your own ego, meeting a selfish need, or genuine affection?



If the social, emotional, spiritual dimensions are missing or lacking, you are out of balance. You should respect and honor each other.

If you are a teen, you must honor your parents and respect their counsel Ephesians 6: You are subject to parental authority. Linda Mintle is a author, professor, Approved Supervisor and Clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, as well as a licensed clinical social worker with over 20 years in psychotherapy practice.