Talk about issues that come up. Consistency and open communication will help your partner to see that you are loyal and honest. Encourage your boyfriend to work at trusting himself. Marcia Sirota, author of "Emotional Overeating," if your boyfriend learns to trust himself, he'll be less likely to project the bad experiences from his past relationship onto this one, because he'll be more confident in his ability to discern a true problem.

Point out the good choices he has made in the past so he sees that he can trust his own judgment. Give him your trust so that he understands you believe in him. Encourage him to trust his gut feelings and see the positive results. Dillmann points out in an article for GoodTherapy. Ask him to stop comparing you to his ex.

Remind him that you and his ex are very different people and have him point out some major differences. Live in the present and base your trust in one another on what you do consistently in your relationship. When problems arise, ask "Is this about something that just happened or is it a reflection of problems from the past? Use trust exercises to increase the amount of trust you have in each other, suggests Dillmann. Offer him a hug and a brief synopsis of your day. Ask him to consider, based on your past behavior, whether he can accept your loving gesture as safe and trustworthy. If he behaves in a distrustful manner, ask him to identify his emotions and why he feels this way.

Suggest he take a deep breath and relax as he considers whether his fears are real or imagined. Therapy to address the past can help, especially in identifying deeply rooted patterns of behavior.

Go to therapy together and identify recurring themes in your relationship that cause conflict or trigger anxiety. Work with the therapist to improve your communication and interaction patterns. It could be the turning point in your relationship. This needs to be said because far too often blame shifting occurs after marital infidelity and that conversation needs to change. I cheated on my first husband. Did I feel isolated and unloved?

Did I crave attention and a physical connection?

Reader Interactions

Was my decision to cheat disgusting and selfish? My ex-husband, was, and still is, one of the best people I know. Your attitude is shockingly refreshing for someone who cheated. No offense to you but that is not the attitude that the average cheater takes when they are discovered. Most of them blame everyone but most especially their faithful spouse. Ask me how I know. Are they faultless in the relationship? They are faultless for the cheating.

Unless you naively believe that we can all wave our magic wand and compel others to act a certain way. I take no responsibility for the actions of other people. Lack of character leads to cheating. No need to make it complicated unless you cheated in which case disregard this whole statement lol. I guess I can see it from both perspectives. Not at all what I was expecting. Well written and I can see why you would choose to steer clear of men like this.

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• What Men Feel When Women Cheat.

Please do not place all of us in that same boat though. While I am no where near healed from the events in my life, I do see where I went wrong and understand that I need to work on myself. I do agree about the psychic wound. Not that I think it should be hidden, but there is a time and place for it and to ruminate on it with your new girlfriend… Yeah… Not so much! I second everything Meg said.

That is a solo, selfish, immature, destructive decision. What a horribly sweeping generalization of men. The so called experts who claim that both parties are at fault for cheating are just victim blaming. The choice to have an affair is a unilateral decision by one partner. I gave everything, but it was not enough. She cheated, and then destroyed my life. I am the worst case scinario, the guy that should be a huge red flag, that you shoudl run screaming into the night from.

My current wife asked me out, even admitting that she was worried about the baggage. Karma perhaps, the lessons needing to be learned. Not sure on that, but certainly know that some wallow in pain, swim in a pool of self pitty while others grab the ole bootstraps, pick themselves back up, lessons learned, back on that proverbial horse.

I have to say, when I read the sum of all the things that pertain to men, and how women interact with men and value them, I can safely say there is not one good thing about us. The future is entirely bleak unless I find a way to be the superior man immediately, forget healing and pain, it seems that is for women only…. Jules, let me ask you a question.