I would smile a real smile, not a polite smile when I see him or her instead of being vaguely annoyed by another human presence. My flirting or flattery tends to be very honest and forthright. It also helps to ask me some questions in return; just to reciprocate the interest.
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It was only a few days later when discussing something else that I casually mentioned giving her some lemons she was still run-down that she figured it out. I make it a point to smile at them, acknowledge them, and engage in conversation. I might send them articles or videos I came across that made me think of them. But to be honest, none of these things ever come off as romantic.
As an INTJ woman it seems that most men were always too scared to directly pursue me. So it remains felt inside and all I can only do is stay at a distance, silently studying them. But, I would definitely take the effort to get out of house and spend more time getting to know them. I may reply using more words than usual. But I think the ultimate as an INTJ , if I ever open up about my emotions with you, I trust you, and are more than likely pretty interested in you.
I usually will tell them directly that I like them. And then of course if I am interested — you will know. I will most probably tell you that I have an interest in you, and specify if we are talking about a fling or a relationship. If my intentions are for a relationship, I will be very concerned about how I am expressing myself.
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That, both in terms of my expressed attitude and in terms of clarification of my intentions. I will add gentleness and tenderness to my otherwise very matter-of-fact and effectiveness-focused way of communication.
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I will also put much effort in executing understanding with and accommodating your emotionality, that is inherently more on the surface than mine. At the end of the day, you have two choices in love — one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.
What got my attention when I met my boyfriend was: I had not met someone who made me feel like I was looking into a mirror, but with a deeper voice, more confidence and self assurance. I had not even considered his personality type or how compatible we may be because it all went very smoothly. From my own empirical evidence, we are very compatible, share similar values and we generally have the same approach to life. The INTJ boyfriend will be reading a book on one side of the room and I will be truly demolishing noobs on league of legends.
3 thoughts on “The Surprising Thing About Dating an INTJ, as an INFJ”
I do not like big groups. He is a lot more social that I am and has different groups of friends the mind boggles. He gets this and has always gone out of his way to make sure I am not in a situation like that, or if I have to be, that I am not there longer than necessary. When meeting his best friend, I am aware that he agave him a talking to to not freak me out. Turns out his bestie was an INFJ and we got on rather well!
We take turns talking and are both really good listeners. On this front, we get on like a house on fire. I do have to nudge him every now about communication because he sometimes seems to rely on me bringing things up before he lets it rip. We enjoy discussing big ideas and solving the worlds troubles over dinner.
INTJ man - issues with dating/intimacy
We have similar views on the big things and occasionally disagree. I appreciate the viewpoint he brings to the conversation as he is very rational and everything seems to be black and white to him sometimes, which boggles my righteous, overly humanitarian mind. We enjoy talking about the future. Him more so than me as I appear to be the risk averse one.
I have attributed this to the ordinary fears of an INFJ when in any intense relationship. We do seem to lack interest in everyday living. I cannot say that I spend that much time obsessing over the ironing or the washing. Mind you, until earlier this year, my dear boyfriend had existed on this earth without owning an iron. We are both young professionals and I suspect a large part of our desire to succeed in our careers is so that we can hire a few assistants in later life. So this is where we start to diverge. Me and my boyfriend are both introverted intuitive types.
However, we externalise our introverted intuitive perceptions differently. The primary difference comes down to Thinking vs Feeling. For the majority of the time, our temperaments are similar. Everything can be packaged in his little Thinker head. He is one of the few people I know who can take criticism and make an action plan from it without taking offence. I call him Action Plan Man. Guys usually like me too much before I'm ready to open up, and it's overwhelming. Can people not just hang out? Commune as human to human before forcing romance? I laughed when you mentioned logic, because I use that word so often trying to navigate relationships!
Things just don't seem reasonable! What I learned about people is, that they are all different - and this is a necessary thing! We are brave, curious, scared, facts lovers or running around barefoot in a flower field - yes, I have met ENFPs: I mean it - they can't. It's not their fault, it's not your fault! We wouldn't blame a child who sucks at singing for not being able to sing a song, or would we? Nope - We would just say: Yet, when it comes to feelings and logic, people are quick to say things like "stupid" or "too sensitive" or the opposite "too cold" and make people feel wrong and dumb when really they are not at all!
Naturally people like to build up a world and apply to the rules. And no rules are rules, too, in the end.
How To Tell If An INTJ Likes You (As Told By 29 INTJs) | Thought Catalog
However, whenever you don't follow certain peoples rules, they will not know what to think of you and therefore they will do this:. Shadiversity has a nice vid up about this: I really am sorry, that you met people, who do not get you. Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
Dedicated to your stories and ideas.
If I don't want to go out, I just don't. If no one understands me, it is not my fault but it's also not theirs. If your brain works differently there is nothing wrong with you. You also need to accept yourself. Selfworth is also important. Do you really want to befriend people who say bad things about you without knowing you? Also note, that therefore not everyone is compatible with everyone. Try to forget it and move on! People can be nice that doesn't mean they are your friends or your next potential partner. I'm nice to everyone, that doesn't mean I'm friends with anyone, not at all.
Accepting someone, doesn't mean he is a friend. Liking someone doesn't mean he is a friend.